Long Distance Hacks

In the past year, Allie spent one month in Morocco for a research grant and then moved to Paris to teach English for six months. We quickly had to become experts on maintaining a relationship over a long distance and vastly different time zones. Here are some practical pieces of advice to help you and your partner if you are ever facing a separation via a business trip or long distance situation. Listen to our long distance podcast episode here.

Building a foundation

Whatever the situation that forces you and your partner apart geographically, it is vital that both partners are supportive of each other and the situation. It makes for a healthy environment when the partner going away feels fully supported by their partner and there is no resentment brewing.

Obviously every couple and situation is different, and we are not here to judge. For us, it helped immensely that there was an end in sight. Without being able to see light at the end of the tunnel, it would have been much harder to be apart. Knowing that our time apart was temporary helped us push forward to a future where we could be together again and gave us something concrete to fight for. It also made a world of difference that we were able to spend a lot of time in person building a solid foundation before having to weather a long distance relationship. We knew that we had a future together that lasted beyond the time we would spend apart.

Apps/technology

Our biggest life saver was the app Marco Polo. It allows you to record a video message for your partner to watch whenever they are able and to record a video message back in response. With Allie being seven hours ahead of AJ, Allie would record messages around lunchtime to discuss her morning and AJ would send a Polo before bed for Allie to watch when she woke up in the morning. This helped us feel connected and able to “talk” to each other, even when we weren’t able to talk in live-time.

WhatsApp was our main messaging app while on different continents because the app runs on WI-FI. If one partner is in a different country and cannot freely use mobile data, this is the best option for messaging and phone calls. It also worked great for us when Allie had a different number and was using a SIM card from a different country, so we were not placing international calls in the traditional sense and racking up a high phone bill.

It makes things fun if you can play a turn-based game over an app, such as Trivia Crack or Words with Friends. Other great ideas to help you feel like you are still doing an activity together, even while apart, include: Watching the same movie at the same time or eating a meal at the same time. Bonus points if you prepare the meal together while on a video call or cook the same recipe.

Call each other (phone or video) whenever you can. Even if it is for a short five-minute catch-up session on one partner’s drive home or a short call before bed, this goes a long way to help you feel connected.

Other great ideas

Have a book club together! Pick a book and both read it. Have a date night where you discuss the book.

Buy the same crossword, logic puzzle, and/or sudoku book and work on a puzzle together.

Write and send old fashioned letters to each other in the mail. The partner who goes away can also send a postcard. Sending emails to each other works, too. We did this and called them “modern day love letters.”

If your time apart is relatively short, you can surprise your partner with a letter to read for each day that you are apart. You could also each keep a journal while you are apart and then swap the journals once you are together again.

Depending on the distance and your situation, you can plan trips to visit each other or meet halfway to help break up the time spent apart.

Our last piece of advice is to have things to look forward to! Create a bucket list of date ideas to do when you are together again, start a countdown clock, plan for the future, etc.

We hope that our advice helps at least one couple out there while they face a long distance situation. Stay strong and love fiercely! xoxo